BabiesWe're having one of them. The critter is to arrive some time next May, at which point I will be sore from sleeping on the couch for calling it a critter. Apparently there are many rules when it comes to raising a baby. From what I've been told, one of the bigger no-nos is cleaning your baby with a pressure washer. This seems foreign to me because pressure washers are wonderful tools capable of making most anything clean, and I don't see why that should not include a baby. Another idea which my wife as poo-pooed is to use our closet in which to keep the baby. Frankly, I don't see the harm. The child will be small and won't require much room, and realistically it will only be in there when it's sleeping. While it's not sleeping, I'm told the child will spend most of its time screaming and pooping. Screaming and pooping may sound fun, but I have my doubts...I know, I've tried it. My wife also seems to have something against using duct tape to make things for the baby such as clothes, toys or cribs. No to pressure washer and duct tape! Just what is their left for a man to do in the raising of the child if those things are taken from him.It would seem I've much to learn in the field of child rearing, along with learning not to be afraid of these small humans. Afraid, you say? Yes. Who's kidding who, children are far too unpredictable to not be afraid of them. Children will try anything once and hitting their father squarely in regions where fathers should not be hit is on top of their list...and they'll do that more than once. That is not an unfounded fear for I've seen it happen. There are many other things to be fearful about with regards to children, I know, I was once a child myself. I'd ask my parents what I was like as a baby, but I'm also afraid of knowing what I did as a baby.I'll freely admit to being somewhat neurotic, and I have little doubt in my mind that this child will likely gain some of my traits. For this, we are already in search of a good psychologist for the child as it never hurts to be properly prepared. For those who know me personally, they also know that the prospect that I have influence over a tiny life does not bode well for my offspring growing up to be what might be termed as "perfectly normal" or, realistically, "somewhat normal". Regardless, I promise not to try and sell the child to gypsies because, to be perfectly frank, I don't know any gypsies

Read more...

You'd think that bagel slicers, those handy contraptions in which you insert your bagel and then cut it properly and easily, would be easy to find. If you thought that, count yourself as being wrong.

For the past week or so, I've been in search of a bagel slicer to keep here at work for those times when I like to have, obviously, a bagel. I'm not well known for my ability to cut things evenly, in a straight line or without also cutting through the desk. So far, I've managed to hack the bagel apart in such a fashion that I will end up with two, sometimes three bagel pieces. However my bagel cutting skills leave those various bagel segments ill defined. One half of the bagel is usually quite capable of having itself inserted nicely into a CD jewel case whereas the other half may oft times find itself in some form of quivering bagel mash. Needless to say, or perhaps needful for those who do not understand the fundamentals of bagelology, the toasting and coating of said bagel with various cow utter products does not go as smoothly as one might hope.

This, as you might gather, constitutes reason enough to have want of some form of bagel slicing mechanism. To date, Walmart, Canadian Tire, Sears, Zellers and a plethora of dollar stores have found me no closer to my bagel slicing euphoria. I have the knife, a bread cutting form of knifedom that comes complete with a serated edge which is a step up from my previous cutting paraphenallia, and I'm not making this up, a plastic knife. Let me tell you that it can be exceedingly difficult to cut a cold bagel with a plastic knife which often resulted in pyramid shaped bagel halves and a light desk coating of bagel crumbs.

Yes. I've checked ebay. There are some on ebay, and they're not unreasonable, just the seller's determination of shipping and handling fees (Though not $25 local pick up fee unreasonable, but that's a rant for another day). Still, one cannot tell from the photo as to what size of bagel the device will hold. The bagels I get are somewhat larger than your average bagel. It's not the size that so much matters, as the taste. They're nummy bagels and fresh daily. Unfortunately, due to poor planning on my part I don't actually have the bagel measurements and I'm currently out except for the cinnamon raisin which does not accurate reflect the stores ABS (Average Bagel Size). I though briefly of going in and measuring the bagels, but I'm certain that wouldn't sit well with others as I think I'd have a problem with someone taking a tape measure to a bagel then replacing it.

My next step involves google and "make your own bagel slicer". Strangely, I sense that I'll have to design my own.

Blogger.com's spelling checking is kind of lacking, by the way.

Read more...

This is all very confusing. Honestly it is.

Must mean I'm getting too old to understand computers.

Read more...

I've not paid attention this blog page. I've had a webpage in one form or another for many a year now.

So, I have to figure out what to put here. I know it's mostly meandering thoughts. If I posted all my meandering thoughts, I'd never get anything else done during the day. As such, I won't say much more here. I'll learn the nuances of the system before continuing with a nonesensical pattern of words, you know, what you'd find the National Post.

Read more...