The Weasel Chronicles

Well, it's months into the pregnancy, not mine...my wife's. We're both hoping that the baby arrives soon, because he's causing us both grief that we can just as soon do without. No, it's not an ill effects of illness which have caused these ill feelings, it's the attitude of others which has caused this shrill pill of ill will. Christmas season is a time to be close to friends and family, so this puts us in to proximity of those who kindly wish to share their knowledge of babydom with us. While we appreciate the kindness of strangers, strangers aren't as apt to share pearls of wisdom like "That'll be you soon" or "Something to look forward to, eh?" as though it's some sort of parenthood taunt. Those lines and others are often heard should a baby within the vicinity of 30 or 40 blocks do something which is likely something that the majority of the infant populace do. The wife and I although not yet parents, are not baby idiots. We are aware of what babies do, say, eat and poop and as "ha ha" as "That'll be fun, won't it" is, we've heard it ad nauseam to where it seems as though it'll never end.Smiling and nodding seems to be the best response to those who choose to participate in the "Been there, done that" stage of child rearing. Sometimes what I find myself more inclined to want to do is to rearrange their body parts into alphabetical order which only seems appropriate because being an ass seems to come to mind. Yes. Yes. We know babies cry. I was a baby and I cried. I still cry, but mostly because people tell us our baby will cry. Why the expect we don't know this is a crying shame, for crying out loud. Babies poop, we know this and if I'm any judge of babies, they probably urinate too. When changing a male baby, he will sometimes attempt to be on you...we already know this, but thanks for telling us for the 43rd time. Babies get sick, put things in their mouth they shouldn't, pull the cat's tail, throw up all over the fancy linen, eat cat kibble when you're not watching, reprogram the VCR, say really embarrassing things and a host of other baby related activities. WE GET IT. We're not baby illiterate. Both of us are previous points in our life were, in fact, babies. Mind you, I'll admit to not remembering much of my baby years...except the I cried and pooped.We DO have a short list of names, so as intriguing an idea as the names Hugo, Nero or Napoleon Bonaparte would be for our child, the concept that you may be the first to suggest to us a humorous name is false. We will, at some point, share our list of a few names to get a general reaction to just how well they'll play. We want to make sure that our child is not an object of ridicule or mockery based on his name. Therefore our small list of names will go through rigorous testing. Thor, although sounds manly, only invites bullying and the last name will be inviting enough we need not heap upon poor child a ridiculous name like Zeus. Zeus may work well for a God or one of Higgin's dogs, but doesn't suit a first grader. We're also not celebrity enough to get away with Kal-EL and I baby poop you not "Audio Science".And and, yes we're looking forward to it. One should worry if we weren't

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