The Weasel Chronicles

You'd think that bagel slicers, those handy contraptions in which you insert your bagel and then cut it properly and easily, would be easy to find. If you thought that, count yourself as being wrong.

For the past week or so, I've been in search of a bagel slicer to keep here at work for those times when I like to have, obviously, a bagel. I'm not well known for my ability to cut things evenly, in a straight line or without also cutting through the desk. So far, I've managed to hack the bagel apart in such a fashion that I will end up with two, sometimes three bagel pieces. However my bagel cutting skills leave those various bagel segments ill defined. One half of the bagel is usually quite capable of having itself inserted nicely into a CD jewel case whereas the other half may oft times find itself in some form of quivering bagel mash. Needless to say, or perhaps needful for those who do not understand the fundamentals of bagelology, the toasting and coating of said bagel with various cow utter products does not go as smoothly as one might hope.

This, as you might gather, constitutes reason enough to have want of some form of bagel slicing mechanism. To date, Walmart, Canadian Tire, Sears, Zellers and a plethora of dollar stores have found me no closer to my bagel slicing euphoria. I have the knife, a bread cutting form of knifedom that comes complete with a serated edge which is a step up from my previous cutting paraphenallia, and I'm not making this up, a plastic knife. Let me tell you that it can be exceedingly difficult to cut a cold bagel with a plastic knife which often resulted in pyramid shaped bagel halves and a light desk coating of bagel crumbs.

Yes. I've checked ebay. There are some on ebay, and they're not unreasonable, just the seller's determination of shipping and handling fees (Though not $25 local pick up fee unreasonable, but that's a rant for another day). Still, one cannot tell from the photo as to what size of bagel the device will hold. The bagels I get are somewhat larger than your average bagel. It's not the size that so much matters, as the taste. They're nummy bagels and fresh daily. Unfortunately, due to poor planning on my part I don't actually have the bagel measurements and I'm currently out except for the cinnamon raisin which does not accurate reflect the stores ABS (Average Bagel Size). I though briefly of going in and measuring the bagels, but I'm certain that wouldn't sit well with others as I think I'd have a problem with someone taking a tape measure to a bagel then replacing it.

My next step involves google and "make your own bagel slicer". Strangely, I sense that I'll have to design my own.

Blogger.com's spelling checking is kind of lacking, by the way.